Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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