I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
