I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
