How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I could fuck to npr.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
