I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
