Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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