Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
