how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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