Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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