Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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