Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
