drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
