I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
