she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize