i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
