Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
