Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
