You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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