I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize