If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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