Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
