we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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