your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
