I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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