you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
