Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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