if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
