It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
