Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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