I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize