Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
