oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I pour the whiskey from now on
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
