Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
