In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
