He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
