I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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