My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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