And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
