i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the condom got lost in my hair
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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