That's intense
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
