I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
false alarm. still invincible.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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