Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
