My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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