im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize