Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
now i know why i became what i already was.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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