Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
