I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
