and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
