I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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