dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
