what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
