you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
