So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
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