I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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