I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
