I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize