it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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