when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
