I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
