Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
