dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
