Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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