The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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