my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
