I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
