I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
