is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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